Last Saturday, my awesome sister and her awesome boyfriend invited me to use their awesome spare ticket to the awesome Red Sox game. Ain’t that awesome? (I just noticed “ain’t” doesn’t trigger my Firefox spell check).

During a Jacoby Ellsbury at-bat, my sister and I jokingly discussed running out onto the field and kissing him. “I know, from here, I could make it before being tackled by security,” she said. Kristina’s boyfriend wasn’t amused.

Then our conversation got serious. What type of punishment would a 27-year-old scientist face for running out on the field? Surely, she’d be arrested for disorderly conduct and most likely face a trespassing charge. We wondered how much her bail would be and the possibility of her being released on her own recognizance. She does have a squeaky-clean record.

Would she be sentenced to community service or probation? Could the Red Sox ban her from Fenway Park and if so, how would they enforce it if she isn’t a season ticket holder?

Maybe she could get sponsors who would donate $1 to the Jimmy Fund for every yard she managed to run before encountering security. Maybe Jacoby would be so overcome by the kiss, he’d refuse to let her be arrested. Maybe…

At that point, we ran out of beer and it had been 10 minutes since Jacoby struck out.

Don’t ask me why but all of a sudden I actually care about the Olympics. Not since I was a kid have I watched, let alone cared, (with the sole exception being women’s figure skating in the Winter Olympics because, for real, figure skating is awesome) but so far, I can’t get enough. I’ve been watching all of the commercials events (hmm, I oddly have an overwhelming craving for a Coca-Cola and a strong desire to buy a GM car) but no event comes close to the Men’s Swimming Relay that EVERYONE is talking about today.

A-MAZ-ING!

First, you have your opponents, the French, talking crap. Second, you are a major underdog. Third, one-fourth of your team is going for an Olympic record for gold medals and NEEDED to win gold in order to keep that record-breaking attempt alive. Bear in mind, I never watch swimming. With that said, I was on the edge of my seat. My boyfriend and I were screaming at the TV, “GO! GO! GO! GO! He’s gaining!” The relay team garnered the type of cheering out of me that I usually reserve for the Patriots. Yes, I found it THAT exciting!

Anyway, does anyone else remember “Big Bird in China”? When Big Bird was riding a bike around Beijing? Yeah, the Olympics have reminded me of that. When I was watching last night, all I could think of was Big Bird on that damn bike.

Hmm, now I’m craving some Peking Dumplings to go along with that Coke.

I’m a little worried about the quality of cheese in the next few months as last night, giving the final kill shot to Packers fans nationwide, Brett Favre was traded to the Jets. Meanwhile, in homes all across New Jersey, Jets fans rejoice.

And then New England woke up… and I think coffee shot out of the noses of quite a few. Because this shakes things up, makes things more interesting, but as any reasonable football fan will tell you (aside from nostalgic Packers fans and desperate Jets fans) this move will serve no other purpose than selling tickets to Giants Stadium.

If anything, I think this is a good day for Chad Pennington. Finally, he’ll flee a team whose fans cheered his injuries. He’ll flee a coach that rode Asante Samuel’s coattails to a head coaching job. My guess is he’ll end up in Miami with Bill Parcells, the man who initially drafted him. We all know Parcells loves to bring players he knows with him *cough Terry Glenn cough* and I can’t think of a team that needs a QB as much as Miami. PLUS, he’s coming from a division rival (plus), he’s already familiar with the AFC and its teams (double plus), and hell, Noodle Arm still beats the Lemon/Green/What’s-His-Name combo that cost Cam Cameron his job last season. AND he’ll be in Florida. Who doesn’t love Florida?! Florida rules!

Andre Tippett was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame on Saturday and I really, really wanted to be there. I would have been there, too, if it hadn’t been for that little firing incident back in June that prompted me to spend my vacation money on school tuition. No matter, in 10 to 15 years, my dad and I expect to see a few Patriots enshrined… at the very least Tom Brady, Randy Moss, and Richard Seymour.

Back to Andre… when he played I was just a little kid, playing with Barbie Dolls and Legos instead of watching football. But, despite my lack of knowledge on anything regarding football, I knew certain players who were my dad’s favorites. Those players included Steve Grogan, Mosi Tatupu, Russ Francis, Steve Nelson, and, of course, Andre Tippett.

Watching Robert Kraft present Andre made me proud to be a Patriots fan. Sometimes, it’s easy to forget that Kraft was just a hapless fan in those days. In fact, as my dad likes to point out, his season tickets at Schaeffer Stadium were much better than Kraft’s. No metal benches for my dad.

Now, I just have to plan another trip to the Hall.

Just because I’ve been so caught up in the return of the Patriots lately doesn’t mean I haven’t been paying attention to the Manny Ramirez drama over at Yawkey Way. And this whole thing doesn’t sit well with me. My stomach hurts thinking of Manny on a new team. I’m disappointed, to say the least and just like the Spygate hyperbole last fall, I think the media blew this story up to its max, and in a small way, I’m impressed with how easily “die-hard” fans were swayed.

Listening to the last hour of Dennis & Callahan¹ in the past week, one would think Manny was being brought up on rape charges, or something equally disgusting. Gerry Callahan was screaming, literally screaming, about Manny’s decision to skip a team visit to Walter Reed Medical Center. With all due respect, shouldn’t this have been screamed about in February, you know, when it first occurred? Now that Manny is unhappy we bring it up? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that was cool, but there’s far worse things for a player to do nowadays. I haven’t heard so much as a peep about Nick Kazcur, you know, the Patriots OL who was caught with a boatload of drugs and turned informant to weasel his own ass out of trouble. But then again, Manny climbing into the wall in left field is SO MUCH WORSE! To D&C’s credit, I do think they made a passing statement about Patriot Willie Andrews assaulting his fiance and shoving a gun in her face. But then again, Manny holding up a sign about Brett Favre is SO MUCH WORSE! That sign was like a proverbial gun shoved in all our faces, right?

After listening to WEEI in the last week I have learned a few things. Did you know Manny is responsible for the Red Sox getting swept by the currently best team in baseball? I could also make a case for Manny’s culpability in the Patriots losing the Super Bowl, the Celtics struggles to win on the road in the playoffs and the Bruins continued suckiness for the last ten years. I also think Manny is responsible for my miserable job and meaningless life. Dramatic? That’s how some Red Sox fans have sounded in the last two weeks.

And don’t for one minute think our rivals in the Bronx haven’t noticed. Kat O’Brien of New York’s Newsday suggests: The Red Sox, who just got swept by the Angels, got worse by giving up Manny Ramirez.

Manny did his own thing, whether we liked it or not, whether it benefited the team or not, but he was a great player. He did more than contribute, bringing the Red Sox to TWO World Series. Sure, his shenanigans grew tiresome but how the “Nation” turned on him makes my stomach sick. Hell, if it was me, I’d be standing in left field waving two middle fingers in the air.

Call me an “apologist,” a term I think is bullshit, but I’m going to miss Manny and I don’t think this bodes well for the Sox. Maybe I feel kindred with Manny because I, too, am disgruntled with my job. Hey, maybe I’m even *gasp* wrong, just like when Bill Belichick cut Lawyer Milloy and I thought it was the end of the world. But then again, the Patriots had just acquired Rodney Harrison who stepped in to fill Milloy’s shoes. I can’t really comment on Jason Bay because I’ve never even heard of him!

My dad swears he will never watch the Red Sox again. I’m not so sure though because he said the same thing after Johnny Damon left, and after Bronson Arroyo was traded, and although I was too young to remember, I’m sure he said the same thing when Roger Clemens left.

¹ For the record, I will only listen to Dennis & Callahan on Monday’s during football season when Tom Brady calls in, and in the few minutes prior to the best show on WEEI, Dale and Holley. Otherwise, those two piss me off to no end.

To say the least, today was AMAZING and totally worth the wait. I took 5 jillion pictures, got sharpie marks all over my arm thanks to some overzealous dude behind me, practically got sweated on by Adalius Thomas and Laurence Maroney, came within one foot of true genius and spent $200 in the Pro Shop.

You’ll have to visit Mike Reiss for a professional analysis of the camp, but I can mention that I saw Eric Alexander do some pretty extraordinary moves while stretching. Kelley Washington was having a blast with the crowd. Every time he raised his hand, people went nuts.

People also went nuts when the players started signing autographs. Grown adults pushing and shoving like children… no, not like children because the children there weren’t doing that crap… I guess it’s the punishment for getting there early and sitting right up front. The moment coaches started yelling, “Field Goal,” which I guess most people assumed meant the end of practice, these grown men started kicking me as I sat trying to get as close as possible. When I stood up, I was shoved against the ropes. Some guy literally used my shoulders as stabilization while he leaned as far forward as he could when Tom Brady walked past. I had stranger arms over both shoulders AND my head! Insanity!

But the best part of today was it got me back into a football state of mind. It’s been hard after you know what to even think about it but I’m ready. I’m really ready. Bring on the Chiefs!

ADDENDUM: I almost forgot to mention that Tedy Bruschi signed almost every autograph he could. I mean, seriously, the guy took forever to make it around the bleachers and to the end zone. And then when a horn sounded, he wanted to sign more but told us he couldn’t, but relented anyway and signed more. I hope he didn’t get in trouble with Belichick.

My car has been jinxed thanks to my abnormally lucky sister who has never had to deal with things such as bad luck. Last week when discussing my car (which was once her car), she just had to continuously stress how great my car is. “180,000 miles and no problems! I mean, wow! Nothing at all! If a Honda as old as yours can still be in such excellent condition, they must make great cars!”

“KRISTINA! YOU’RE JINXING ME! I DON’T HAVE GOOD LUCK LIKE YOU!”

Damage done. The jinx has been set.

It all began with my brakes last week. Out of the blue, they began pulsating and the brake light remains on. If you’re not familiar with car stuff, brakes are kinda important. Then, a rusty crater opened up in my exhaust pipe last night further ghetto-ifying my car. And for the icing on the cake, a truck took off my side mirror yesterday.

But, given my history with automobiles, this is only the beginning. Next will come the alternators, radiators, belts of a timing and fan nature… ultimately leading to a busted transmission and/or seized engine….

So, after a quick trip to a nearby Midas (great place, honest owner, highly recommended), the damage comes to over $800 *dying* (and that’s with free brake pads!) but we’re skimping on the brakes and only doing the more damaged back brakes. BUT, knowing that this kind of stuff is mostly wear and tear, i.e., driving on inadequate, pothole-ridden Massachusetts roads ruins your car, I can’t complain much. Honda is still the best car maker in the world. It’s not Honda’s fault Massachusetts would rather spend money on symphonies than potholes.

Fortunately, everything (minus the front brakes) is getting fixed today because, I’ll be God damned if I don’t get to Patriots Training Camp tomorrow! Take that, Gods that find amusement in making my life as miserable as possible!

I flew through the newspaper-making process yesterday in hopes of getting out early for one specific reason… so I would be able to get up bright and early for Patriots Training Camp, which starts today. Little did I know, Mother Nature would flip me the good old middle finger and decide today is the perfect day to unload the skies and dump a foot of rain on the region.

What’s worse, it’s not just consistent, steady rain. It’s dispersed into ridiculously heavy localized storms, so one minute it’s sunny, and the next you’re designing your Ark.

My dad and I scrapped our excursion to beautiful Foxborough at 6:45 this morning, and good thing too because around 7:30, the Pats decided to move practice indoors thus closing the practice to the public. I’d be beside myself if I had driven through torrential rain during rush hour just to get to Gillette Stadium by 8:45 only to find out camp was closed.

We also kept last year’s debacle in mind as we made our decision.

The new plan goes like this: Sunday in the a.m., leave at 7 a.m. There will be no traffic so we estimate a 30 minute drive. Next, we’ll stop for breakfast and then make our way to Gillette. We want to get there much earlier since it’s a weekend morning and we’re anticipating a larger crowd.

Only three more wake-ups to go!